Reunited and it feels so good

I used a vacation day to take off work so I could... dare I say it? ... WRITE! I'm afraid I'll jinx it if I say it out loud. Over the holiday season I found a few hours here and there to do some editing but I can't remember the last time I did some solid writing.

I've had some time to step back away from my YA novel Morte De Alma and today I intend to do some serious damage. This book will be complete and queried in 2010. That is a goal I intend to stick to.

So I am still multi-tasking... I'm doing a Harry Potter movie marathon while I sit at the computer and type today. Movie marathons are another thing that has been stripped from my life. So today is gonna be a good day!

Fresh Start

Ahhh....a new year.

Clean slate.

Fresh start.

I love grouping things together in bundles and groups like weeks, months and years. It's an easier way to make an excuse for change. I lie to myself. I make promises too beautiful and wonderful to ever be realistic. However this doesn't keep me from making them and believing in them.

So, 2010 I salute you...I welcome you with open arms.

I will write more.
I will read more.
I will listen more.
I will learn more.
I will love more.

This will be the greatest year yet!

I promise to get a handle on my life before I end up in the ER with an anxiety attack. I didn't want to commit to NaNo but I went ahead and gave it a whirl this past weekend and ended up writing 2500 words on Sunday. Not bad for one afternoon in the midst of a bunch of errands and events and stuff.

Tonight I banged out a 300 short story (if you can call it that) for a contest. I submitted with fingers crossed. I read it to my husband and he didn't really care for it. Of course I didn't share it with him until AFTER I submitted it. Ugghhh!! se la vie

I still have not worked exercising into my daily routine...or even a weekly routine.

And I'm not praying with consistency or reading with consistency. The only thing consistant is the need for consistency. I need a plan and the discipline to stick with it.

And now it is late I need sleep. G'nite!

Burnt Chicken

I could have used some more extra hours this weekend, but I did the best with what I had.

This weekend was pretty packed...the longest UNO game E-V-E-R, meal planning and grocery shopping, It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, a little cleaning, Halloween with our close friends, Church, Girl Scout troop training, a little personal reading, some writing, some beta-reading critiqing (a lot of -ing's). I was feeling pretty good about getting it all done and keeping a smile on my face.

But when I tried to fry some chicken tonight (something I don't even claim to know how to do) I got frustrated when the last batch got burned.

I find this to be a trend in my life - worrying over something little and not showing gratitude for everything else this trivial event blocks out. My focus is too narrow and lacking the appreciation that I should have for the many accomplishments that I actually did achieve.

Rather than thanking God 100x each day for waking up, not getting into a car accident, not struggling with the symptoms of a fatal disease, not being oppressed or the victim of a hate-crime, or simply for having a plethora of blessings (wonderful family, beautiful home, two working cars, family close by, full-time job with benefits, democracy, etc.)...I think about the inconveniences in my life and those I love.

You wouldn't believe how stupid I sound having one-sided conversations with the horrible drivers on the roads of Charlotte (seriously we are right up there with New Yorkers). My heart rate speeds up and I allow myself to actually wish there was a police officer around to "give them what they deserve." How awful is that? I should pray for them and think loving thoughts instead of getting angry.

Occasionally, I admit to feeling like I deserve to spend money on manicures and pedicures, and try to think of ways to work this into our normal budget. How petty! Why do I deserve this? Less money than the cost of a mani-pedi could support a child in a third world country and yet I struggle with that idea. The desire to treat myself is so strong it actually hurts sometimes.

I will think no more about this chicken. And I will eat the chicken. Granted, I'll smother it in extra Thai sauce, but I will not toss it. As I chew...and chew...I'll remember that it takes a few mistakes to appreciate perfection and that not everything will meet my stringent expectations.

10/03

Wow! The days really fly by....ugh. Been in a cleaning mood, so my 9yr old and I have been cleaning the fridge, finally organizing the pile of clutter in the dining room, sorting out the front closet, and cleaning the whole kitchen. We started Thursday, had to break Friday cuz we had a wedding, and we're back strong today. She's a little worker bee and I thank God for her. My husband took the 6yr old to run errands after his bible class this morning.

I haven't really done any writing lately and I haven't felt well enough to work out (sigh). I am hoping for a fresh start this week.

In fact, in order to help force a writing habit, I may enter the Nov NaNoWiMo. You have to write 50K from 11/01 - 11/30. It doesn't have to be any good, just forces you to get into the habit of writing...alot...no web surfing or editing, just pushing out words in volume. I've been contemplating and I think I've decided to go ahead with the commitment.

I don't know how to motivate myself on the working out. I want to be healthy and look good, but apparantly that's not enough motivation. I know myself well enough to realize I am a group person and am more willing to go when I have a partner. So, I just need to plan my workouts around my BFF (my sister) I guess.

Well, I need to hunt up a couple of good crock recipes for those hectic weekdays and finish writing our meal plan for the week so I can go grocery shop and be back in time to get the family off to church.

Maybe I'll get back to my manuscript tomorrow!

make time for what counts

I can't count the number of days I wish I'd done other things (like go to the gym, read a certain book, pray, sew a button on something that broke 3 weeks ago, play with the girls...you get the idea) and suddenly it's past bedtime and midnight is creeping up on me.

We need to prioritize, making time to do what's really important ASAP - before the day moves into fast forward and our busy lives overwhelm us, crowding out so many little things that just don't fit.

I have been telling myself if I really want time to read and write I'll get up early the next day. And if I want to lose weight and be healthy I really can, just get up EVEN earlier to do that, too. But that means I need to train my body to fall asleep at like...9 or 10pm!!

But once the girls are in bed I talk to my husband, might watch tv show or work on our bible study. Sometimes there's bills to pay or email to check.

I need one of those Svens I saw on tv. Maybe if he cooked dinner, cleaned up and made sure homework was done BEFORE I got home from work I could play with them instead of getting frustrated and rushing to get errands and chores done. Alas, I cannot afford a Sven and each blurry day blleds into weeks and years...I blinked and my toddler is now in 1st grade and my kindergartner is in 4th grade, heading on doublew digits next spring. OMG!!

I'm gonna work on setting priorities and goals and making a change, even if just one, toward a better life. No one else can do it for me.