Monday, December 21, 2009

Ugh. I love Thanksgiving and Christmas but I swear these 2 days cuz so much stress and added work that I have no personal life for the rest of the year!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

OMG - it's December...that feels weird!!??!

Every end of year it's scary to think of all the things I thought I might accomplish but got put off til "later" and now time is slipping by...the sand is rushing through the hourglass at what seems to be an increased velocity yet I know it's not.

My anxiety and fear simply distorts my view. Time moves at the same speed - it is us who choose to speed up or slow down our lives.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Yes...I admit it! (Sigh) I am in the theater right see New Moon.

Fingers are crossed for some better acting.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I never learn

Ever since I was a little girl I've been afraid of needles. Naturally at my age (don't ask...I'm old...enough) I've had plenty of shots that didn't even hurt. It's the several that DID hurt that haunt my memories, that tighten my chest making it difficult to breathe, that make me clench my fists and look away.

I had blood work done this morning and the needle was so tiny and the nurse was very kind and gentle yet I was still holding a grudge and judging both the nurse and needle based on my prejudiced view and I acted like a little kid.

How embarassing :(

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I consider it littering when someone throws something in my yard or driveway that's completely unsolicited.

Some dirty unmarked white van just drove by and threw a yellow bag at my mailbox. So now I have to go out and throw it away.


Do you ever feel like you just get stupid after hours of writing?

Sometimes I'll have an idea, try to write, do something stupid, then someone else points it out and I'm like "Yeah...dur!"

I had a "dur" moment last night. I don't know what I'd do without my fellow members at the AW forum.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Wow...I actually made it to the gym tonight. And I have plans to aerobicize in the morning and visit the gym again on Saturday. Woot! Woot!

So, I'm not loving this NaNo thing. I was not prepared for it and I am not even having fun with the story. But, I am still gonna plug along when I get the time. I wrote another 200 words tonight. The story is stuck and not going anywhere and when I stop and try to figure it out I ended up doing a bunch of thinking and no typing!!

New train of 9yr old cooked dinner tonight. Yes. My 9 year old daughter. She's taken some cooking classes, summer school workshops, etc. and so I let her pick out some recipes and make dinner. It was pretty cool. Kids will amaze you if you can step back and give them some breathing room. It was an asian inspired dish. Spring onion pancakes, and some kind of eggs that were dark green from all the chives and soy sauce. And we had a plum sauce for dipping. Neato!

I enjoyed my Office and 30 Rock, did some writing, did some forum posting and blogging. Now I'm gonna read for 10 minutes and try to get some sleep. I hope to get my NaNo over 3K this weekend and that's it. No big goal there.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I promise to get a handle on my life before I end up in the ER with an anxiety attack. I didn't want to commit to NaNo but I went ahead and gave it a whirl this past weekend and ended up writing 2500 words on Sunday. Not bad for one afternoon in the midst of a bunch of errands and events and stuff.

Tonight I banged out a 300 short story (if you can call it that) for a contest. I submitted with fingers crossed. I read it to my husband and he didn't really care for it. Of course I didn't share it with him until AFTER I submitted it. Ugghhh!! se la vie

I still have not worked exercising into my daily routine...or even a weekly routine.

And I'm not praying with consistency or reading with consistency. The only thing consistant is the need for consistency. I need a plan and the discipline to stick with it.

And now it is late I need sleep. G'nite!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Burnt Chicken

I could have used some more extra hours this weekend, but I did the best with what I had.

This weekend was pretty packed...the longest UNO game E-V-E-R, meal planning and grocery shopping, It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, a little cleaning, Halloween with our close friends, Church, Girl Scout troop training, a little personal reading, some writing, some beta-reading critiqing (a lot of -ing's). I was feeling pretty good about getting it all done and keeping a smile on my face.

But when I tried to fry some chicken tonight (something I don't even claim to know how to do) I got frustrated when the last batch got burned.

I find this to be a trend in my life - worrying over something little and not showing gratitude for everything else this trivial event blocks out. My focus is too narrow and lacking the appreciation that I should have for the many accomplishments that I actually did achieve.

Rather than thanking God 100x each day for waking up, not getting into a car accident, not struggling with the symptoms of a fatal disease, not being oppressed or the victim of a hate-crime, or simply for having a plethora of blessings (wonderful family, beautiful home, two working cars, family close by, full-time job with benefits, democracy, etc.)...I think about the inconveniences in my life and those I love.

You wouldn't believe how stupid I sound having one-sided conversations with the horrible drivers on the roads of Charlotte (seriously we are right up there with New Yorkers). My heart rate speeds up and I allow myself to actually wish there was a police officer around to "give them what they deserve." How awful is that? I should pray for them and think loving thoughts instead of getting angry.

Occasionally, I admit to feeling like I deserve to spend money on manicures and pedicures, and try to think of ways to work this into our normal budget. How petty! Why do I deserve this? Less money than the cost of a mani-pedi could support a child in a third world country and yet I struggle with that idea. The desire to treat myself is so strong it actually hurts sometimes.

I will think no more about this chicken. And I will eat the chicken. Granted, I'll smother it in extra Thai sauce, but I will not toss it. As I chew...and chew...I'll remember that it takes a few mistakes to appreciate perfection and that not everything will meet my stringent expectations.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Sore, dry throat but I'm too stubborn to go to the doctor. Why am I so afraid to waste a $25 copay?

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Scooby Who?

When did they decide that the ghosts and monsters on Scooby Doo needed to be real? Each generation is always pushing the envelope; taking everything to the next level.

Sex. Drugs. Violence. Foul Language. Fear.

Everything poses a challenge, daring society to peel back the protective layers that we parents are desparate to keep in place. In fact, I'd say I use duct tape (metaphorically speaking) to no avail. My kids laugh at me for trying to protect them from some of their cartoons. (sigh).

We're watching some newer Scooby movie about zombies, that are real (no human under a mask) and it got me thinking about all this stuff.

It just ended and my kids need some snuggle time now.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday 10/19 Update

Thu - Sun I edited the 1st 6 chapters of my 60k YA and I'm making more changes in my outline for plot events today that just make more sense and create a better flow. Some days it feels like it will never be done! Argh!

I did finish the m.s. I was beta reading. And I made time for leisure reading as well as time with my family. I even cooked dinner both saturday and sunday night.

Goal setting is something I have become tentative to approach. I hate failing at anything but love accomplishing challenging tasks. I need to:
* catch up on bible reading
* create a discussion question for my Small Group regarding bibe reading for October
* prepare for children's church this weekend (I perform w/a partner for all 4 services)
* finish outlining YA m.s. with new plot ideas
* implement these ideas - at least basically in my ms
* provide feedback regarding the m.s. I beta read

In addition to friends n family plans!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Climate Blog Day

Today many bloggers are uniting on an important issue: Climate Change

It's not just a crazy futuristic idea, it's a scientific event that we need to educate ourselves on. The EPA has information you can read about recent changes:

They talk about the impact humans have had since the Industrial Revolution, including greenhouse gases and aerosols. We have been burning fossil fuels and cutting down oxygen producing forests.

I found this bullet point from the Temperature tab scary: "Average temperatures in the Arctic have increased at almost twice the global rate in the past 100 years."

The earth is getting warmer and warmer. talks about this in a recently updated article on global warming:
They also discuss changes in our overall ecosystem, due to decreases in species (animals and bugs) and habitats (trees, clean water, etc).

At Home - these are taken straight from EPA site
1. Change 5 lights
Replace the conventional bulbs in your 5 most frequently used light fixtures with bulbs that have the ENERGY STAR and you will help the environment while saving money on energy bills. If every household in the U.S. took this one simple action we would prevent greenhouse gases equivalent to the emissions from nearly 10 million cars.

2. Look for ENERGY STAR qualified products
Look for ENERGY STAR qualified products in more than 50 product categories, including lighting, home electronics, heating and cooling equipment and appliances.

3. Heat and cool smartly
Simple steps like cleaning air filters regularly and having your heating and cooling equipment tuned annually by a licensed contractor can save energy and increase comfort at home, and at the same time reduce greenhouse gas emissions. When it's time to replace your old equipment, choose a high efficiency model, and make sure it is properly sized and installed.

4. Seal and insulate your home
Seal air leaks and add more insulation to your home. The biggest leaks are usually found in the attic and basement. If you are planning to replace windows, choose ENERGY STAR qualified windows for better performance. Seal and insulate any ducts in attics and crawlspaces to improve the efficiency of your home.

5. Use green power
Green power is environmentally friendly electricity that is generated from renewable energy sources such as wind and the sun. There are two ways to use green power: you can buy green power or you can modify your house to generate your own green power.

6. Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle
If there is a recycling program in your community, recycle your newspapers, beverage containers, paper and other goods. Use products in containers that can be recycled and items that can be repaired or reused. In addition, support recycling markets by buying products made from recycled materials.

7. Be green in your yard
Use a push mower, which, unlike a gas or electric mower, consumes no fossil fuels and emits no greenhouse gases. If you do use a power mower, make sure it is a mulching mower to reduce grass clippings. Composting your food and yard waste reduces the amount of garbage that you send to landfills and reduces greenhouse gas emissions.

8. Use water efficiently
There are also simple actions you can take to save water: Be smart when irrigating your lawn or landscape; only water when needed and do it during the coolest part of the day, early morning is best. Turn the water off while shaving or brushing teeth. Do not use your toilet as a waste basket - water is wasted with each flush. And did you know a leaky toilet can waste 200 gallons of water per day? Repair all toilet and faucet leaks right away.

9. Spread the Word
Tell family and friends that energy efficiency is good for their homes and good for the environment because it lowers greenhouse gas emissions and air pollution. Tell 5 people and together we can help our homes help us all.

I thought those were great Ideas. The EPA has tips for the office, the school and on the road!

If you can't adopt 5 at least find 1 way to contribute!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Mon 10/12 - Planning, Writing, Juggling

So I did some editing of one WIP and re-writing of another over the weekend. Considering how busy our family was, that felt like a success. I am having trouble getting back into my paranormal YA to edit. The task seems so overwhelming that I'm waiting for an enormous amount of time to sink into it, which isn't in my near future. I just need to schedule time to devote to it.

Lately I've been trying to start a 3rd novel (4th actaully, but its complicated). I'm questioning my process. With my very 1st, I started with research and outlines and never actually wrote anything yet - to date. My 2nd and only completed (if I can call it that) novel I just started typing and ideas and scenes came spilling out. So I worked on an outline and then started writing the story. My 3rd novel came from a creative writing assignment I gave myeslf to force build a daily habit of writing...anything. I have no outline still, just ideas and images in my head.

So now,with my 4th I have an idea but not a full plot. I'm trying to write but feel like I should know where I'm going and now I'm confused. Today I tried to write a synopsis, thinking this would help me decide who my MC really is, what her hang-ups are and why the story is so gosh darn important to tell. It was hard. Real hard. This one feels like it needs a plan before I let the words spill out of me for some reason and I can't get into it like I did with my 1st (wait no, my 2nd).

I'm home after working all day, have to go over the kid's homework, prepare dinner, prepare for tomorrow night's girl scout meeting and maybe clean out my inbox just a little. I'm also in the middle of a couple of good books that I'd like to finish.

Calgon take me away!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

So tired! Had our close friends over for dinner after church, so there were 5 kids running around (from 3 to 9 yrs old). Some screaming, running, fighting, but the only blood came when everyone was settling down and leaving; my 6yr old was all alone and slipped on a book in her bedroom. Go figure. Good times. I'm ready to snuggle up and fall asleep now.

Sat 10/10 10am

Last night was nice; real good food. My dad's shrimp and scallops were phenomenal. Thank God for birthdays....they give us a good reason to stop everything and go out and drop $100 on dinner.

Chris is at church for a class this morning (Old Testament) so me and the girls are cleaning the house. They are such good helpers. My 6yr old cleaned all the doorknobs and straightened up the living room, while my 9yr old cleaned the microwave and vacuumed. They don't get upset, they understand that if we work together it gets done faster and I award them points that get turned into an allowance every Friday.

We have some errands, then church tonight and we are entertaining guests tomorrow evening, so I'm sure we'll have some light cleaning tomorrow, as well.

No time for writing or editing today, but I can't stop thoughts and plot ideas from popping around inside my head.

Friday, October 9, 2009

So, I never made it to the the gym all week. Ugh! I did meet or at least make progress on some other goals:
->wrote about 3k this week
->read/skimmed my Bible reading assigmment for sept and started on oct's assignment already
->read another 9 chapters in book I'm beta reading for a fellow AW ( forum member
->cleaned up clutter and put up curtains downstairs
->and I finished watching season 1 of TrueBlood w/my sister
Yesterday was my dad's 76th birthday. Holy cow! We're taking him to either Outback or maybe Carraba's tonight then cake and gifts @ my house tomorrow. The girls are gonna make the cake by themselves (for the most part). It makes them so happy ;)

Saturday, October 3, 2009


Wow! The days really fly by....ugh. Been in a cleaning mood, so my 9yr old and I have been cleaning the fridge, finally organizing the pile of clutter in the dining room, sorting out the front closet, and cleaning the whole kitchen. We started Thursday, had to break Friday cuz we had a wedding, and we're back strong today. She's a little worker bee and I thank God for her. My husband took the 6yr old to run errands after his bible class this morning.

I haven't really done any writing lately and I haven't felt well enough to work out (sigh). I am hoping for a fresh start this week.

In fact, in order to help force a writing habit, I may enter the Nov NaNoWiMo. You have to write 50K from 11/01 - 11/30. It doesn't have to be any good, just forces you to get into the habit of web surfing or editing, just pushing out words in volume. I've been contemplating and I think I've decided to go ahead with the commitment.

I don't know how to motivate myself on the working out. I want to be healthy and look good, but apparantly that's not enough motivation. I know myself well enough to realize I am a group person and am more willing to go when I have a partner. So, I just need to plan my workouts around my BFF (my sister) I guess.

Well, I need to hunt up a couple of good crock recipes for those hectic weekdays and finish writing our meal plan for the week so I can go grocery shop and be back in time to get the family off to church.

Maybe I'll get back to my manuscript tomorrow!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tue 9/29

I have been in a funk....every morning I wake up feeling like I didn't sleep more than 3 hours. So NO I haven't been to the gym, and NO I haven't been writing or editing, and NO I will not apologize. I need to get off this computer and into bed ASAP so maybe, just maybe I can start fresh tomorrow.

Can I have a few excuses...please? I co-hosted a bead party Friday, I ran errands and took one daughter at a birthday party Sat afternoon, and I did work as a volunteer for all 4 services at church this weekend in the children's ministry...high energy stuff here...and played mommy and ran errands, and had a small group Sunday night, homework with the girls last night, ran a girl scout meeting tonight, then ame home and worked on scout paperwork and emails, tried to catch up on personal emails and some networking and now here I am at almost 11pm already with no reading or relaxing yet!!!!

I plan to read at least 2 chapters in Exodus tonight (churchwide homework reading then at least 15 min of personal reading for myself, then I promise...lights out and at least some aerobics if I don't get up early enough for the gym.

I promise!!

And I promise to spend at least an hour combined of editing and writing tomorrow night. Maybe by this weekend I can get some sort of schedule in place.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

9/23 Update

No breakthroughs on 9/23 but I did make time 9/22 to catch up a little on our bible reading assignment (for my church) - I finished Genesis. Only 4 more books left this month....yet it took me 3 weeks to read just 1!!!

Last night my husband and I enjoyed a double date for dinner. We can't recall ever having done that. We've eaten out plenty of times with other couples, just not without kids. Dinner was great (3 hours) and the conversation was good, too. We went with another couple from church, parents as well but with teenagers instead of young'ns. Good people. Good times. Ahhh :)

And thank god for grandparents. My father stayed with the girls, fed them dinner, got them cleaned up and into bed. Hallelujah.

Today I took off work to focus on my writing. I've got a few goals in mind for some editing, outlining and a little time for writing my 2nd novel...not sure yet if it's a YA or not.

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Update 9/22

So, I did not get up early this morning and go for a jog but I did go to bed with a clean sink in the kitchen which is almost like...well it's a big plus for my husband. A clean sink mean I love him.

I fully intended to go to sleep early but we watched a movie together after the girls went to sleep and didn't realize it was a full length was a documentary style (Who Killed the Electric Car) and so I was up late...again. (sigh) Not to mention, I promised my 9 year old I'd read some of her story she's reading for her book club at school that night. So after the movie I read 2 chapters of the Indian in the Cupboard.

When the alarm went off this morning, I hit snooze without thinking twice. I did keep my coffee limit to 1 cup today instead of 2. My goal is to have my light off before 10:30 tonight.

After I cleaned the kitchen (2 nights in a row) I read a bible story to the girls. And here I am wrapping up email girl scout emails, children's church emails and a light blog.

Baby steps.

Tomorrow I will get up 15 min earlier. I will use that 15 min to run on the treadmill.

Monday, September 21, 2009

make time for what counts

I can't count the number of days I wish I'd done other things (like go to the gym, read a certain book, pray, sew a button on something that broke 3 weeks ago, play with the get the idea) and suddenly it's past bedtime and midnight is creeping up on me.

We need to prioritize, making time to do what's really important ASAP - before the day moves into fast forward and our busy lives overwhelm us, crowding out so many little things that just don't fit.

I have been telling myself if I really want time to read and write I'll get up early the next day. And if I want to lose weight and be healthy I really can, just get up EVEN earlier to do that, too. But that means I need to train my body to fall asleep at like...9 or 10pm!!

But once the girls are in bed I talk to my husband, might watch tv show or work on our bible study. Sometimes there's bills to pay or email to check.

I need one of those Svens I saw on tv. Maybe if he cooked dinner, cleaned up and made sure homework was done BEFORE I got home from work I could play with them instead of getting frustrated and rushing to get errands and chores done. Alas, I cannot afford a Sven and each blurry day blleds into weeks and years...I blinked and my toddler is now in 1st grade and my kindergartner is in 4th grade, heading on doublew digits next spring. OMG!!

I'm gonna work on setting priorities and goals and making a change, even if just one, toward a better life. No one else can do it for me.